The Illusion of Seperateness

Through our biological necessity for human contact at birth, it is apparent that we need each other to survive. We even have neural systems that are “geared to process social stimuli right from the start of life” (Frith). It seems obvious that our bodies are ready for sharing this place right from birth, but why is it that we associate the feeling of fear with being alone?

Any emotion or perspective can be transformed into one of greater understanding (less fear) through the gradual stages of self-awareness. Imagine yourself born in a cave, with only one candle. This candle is the lens in which you are able see the cave, at this point you know nothing else. There are others sharing this cave with you, but due to the size of the flame often times there is lack of awareness toward their presence. Are we ever really alone, or do we just feel alone?

Loneliness is a state of mind
I can recall several times in my life feeling utterly lonely in a room full of people, which drives me to suggest that being alone physically is not the only catalyst for such a feeling of isolation.
Let’s put ourselves back in the cave analogy. In this scenario, we can view the mind as the stage of awareness with the least amount of light available. We’re talking tea-light candle.

Understandably, the mind is forced into a constant state of conflict and fear because it can barely see anything in such a dark place. (Please note that without this instilled discontent, we would not strive toward the progress of discovering the rest of the cave..the mind always gets such a bad rep.) The mind existing and viewing the cave in such a fashion is not the problem, the issue stems from when we get trapped in the illusion that the shadow is all there is. All the mind is able to see is the shadow of itself on the cave wall, causing the illusion of separateness.

“The basis of our intellect is separating, categorizing. Our identification with the thought process gives us the impression that we are separate” (Harrison).

Upgrading to a lantern
When battling with the feeling of loneliness, we succumb to the belief that we are not part of the whole pulsing picture; the mind creates the illusion of a deep disconnect between ‘ourselves’ and the ‘other’. By understanding the illusion of separateness, we can move past our fears and begin to comfort the part of us that has been limited to a ‘tea-light’ perspective.

Earlier I mentioned being able to transform a perspective into one of greater understanding. By formulating time to ourselves that encourages self-reflection, one can embrace the art of being alone. This way we are able to find self-sustaining sources of happiness that do not rest on the foundation of illusion. The more we bring the delusion of separateness into our awareness, the more we are able to use our time alone in a productive manner. This maturity process of being alone transforms a once threatening feeling into one of solitude. This may be the scariest step, but by differentiating this misunderstanding we now have the ability to carry a ‘lantern’ perspective around the cave and explore.

We are in the process of a conscious evolution. Now is the time to thank the mind for doing its job and continue on a path toward a more liberating perspective. Now is the time to find the light within ourselves, and project it outward for others to see. We’ve been seeing ourselves from the view of a tea-light when we have the potential to see the whole cave.

“Do not fear, for the Universe is inside you.” -Rumi


Note lovelies: I have dealt with a great deal of loneliness in my life, so please know there is nothing wrong with you; we have been there and we feel you. If you’re in such a place right now remember you are never alone, ever. You are infinitely connected to all of us, all you need to do is bring your awareness into that space. Please feel free to reach out in our forums and/or share your story in the comments <3

With so much love,


Frith, C.D., & Frith, U. (2000). The physiological ba-sis of theory of mind. In S. Baron-Cohen, H. Tager-Flusberg, & D. Cohen (Eds.), Understand- ing other minds: Perspective from developmental neuroscience (pp. 335–356). Oxford, England: Oxford University Press.

Harrison, Steven. Being One: Finding Our Self in Relationship. New York: Crossroad Pub., 1999. Print


  1. Joel Antinazi says:

    I am 59 years young and getting younger every day
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  2. Elena Salamandri says:

    Thanks for post, Morgan! And yeah, loneliness is a state of mind.
    I live in Berlin and all the people here are closed. It is very easy to find someone to have a cool party with, but really hard to find the one, who can open his heart for friendship. Separation here is a kind of style of life. Lonely state of mind. Plus to that i have been working for my art project alone in my one room flat/art studio for 8 months. Only books, paints, LED and numbers… I thought that can get crazy from loneliness. I overcame it one month ago (motivation from Jordan and Team, shakers, mouth harp, meditation, forest, contemplating nature, i have found my tree!) and now I am more or less back to creation. It is really important to overcame this lonely state of mind. We are all united!
    Everything vibrates :)

  3. Pn2agoft3k says:


  4. Right here is the perfect wpgaebe for anybody who wants to understand this topic. You realize so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually would want to…HaHa). You certainly put a fresh spin on a topic which has been written about for many years. Excellent stuff, just great!

  5. Benedict Jay says:

    Greatly encouraging article. Ironically, we as individuals look at our external elements as separate from our self. But self acts onto how I perceive the external. How can the ego overcome the fear to interact with the external if imagining and believing that I would/could be rejected? It gives the perception of an attachment to separateness, unfortunately.

  6. Lovely. For so much of my life, i felt all alone and suffered from it. As I got older, I realized that I was never truly alone. Spirit is always with us. And since, I’ve stopped trying to fit-in and just be me all alone. Now I accept loneliness and and extremely HAPPY about it. I’ve never felt so apart of the universe, or so loved and I’m even more of a loner than before.

    I think society always emphasizes friendships and if you don’t have close friends, you’ll be unhappy. But I find happiness comes from being happy with self.

  7. Thank you Morgan. This is such good food for thought. Thank you for providing such a great meal!

  8. Ben Halper says:

    There is a song that states exactly this, and so far has helped me through the ‘tea-light’ stages

  9. I feel lonely most the time… Especially since getting in the ‘spiritual’ side of life, and at my age (17) most my peers are not like-minded and it makes it more difficult for me to find common ground, or other people ‘on the same path.’ So.. I spend most my time looking at things online and learning as much as possible, I rarely leave the house because I feel very anxious in public, even though im anxious it doesnt stop me from doing random kind things for complete strangers, usually I run away quickly after Lol.

    If anyone here is around my age-range feel free to reply to me~ maybe we can skype or something :)

    • Hadassa says:

      hey, I’m 17 too! and I’ve spent a lot of time searching about this kind of stuff online. hope you’re still around so we can contact!(sorry about any mistake, english is not my 1st language :)

  10. Thank you:)) this information came at the perfect time for me.
    I have been wandering alone amongst a world full of souls all my life and am finally going to connect and ‘start to explore ‘the cave’. I do feel connected to people and then they are arses and I don’t want to be connected to their petty nastiness so I go back to my tiny corner of the cave. I am going to look past that nastiness and send them love and connect even more.
    NOW is the time!!!!
    Love to you all,

  11. Brings to mind the line in David Bowie’s Rock’n Roll suicide: Oh no, you’re not alone! Are we not? :-)

  12. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come arscos a blog that’s both educative and engaging, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is an issue that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy I found this during my search for something concerning this.

  13. Christi says:

    I noticed through the years of helping others deal with their depression and anxiety that most people isolate themselves in attempt to escape the problem. Some of them don’t even realize they are doing it. They just believe everyone is ignoring them, when those people are being pushed away. Isolation and loneliness are most certainly a state of mind. One of my methods to help my friends when they start pulling themselves away from the world is to help them address the problem. Sure they usually go through an emotional breakdown, but afterwards they tell me they feel a massive amount of relief. I try to get them to be comfortable with their environment and put some sort of trust into their friends so that they can vent rather than run away. After some time venting, they usually find the answer to their problem whether it’s from an internal spark of realization or someone gives them some helpful advice. Once they come to that realization, usually their perspective on life changes. In my experience, they most commonly come to an understanding that everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason isn’t apparent at the time, the reason still exists. They begin to open up, and slowly that illusion of separateness they had prior dissolves after seeing that there are people out there who care and are willing to help.
    This is a fantastic article. Thank you for posting it!
    Namaste, Christi

  14. Lowies Torres Henriquez says:

    Thank you so much!

  15. Thank you for the wonderful post. But lets be honest. Not everyone can change their thinking. Its difficult. I know it is for me.
    1 step forward, 2 steps back.

    • Morgan Riestis says:

      Hi Tony,
      Yes, of course. Honesty is highly respected here. I’m glad you shared how you feel, chances are there are other readers who are thinking the exact same thing. You’re right about how changing the way we think is no walk in the park, but to understand a bit better let me pose a question: what is hinders us from changing the way we think?
      Hope we can dive into this a bit further xx

      • Well, I will say the truth, and this is where my paradox lies…
        Its belief systems. One I am still working through personally. Those that make us feel a certain emotion or reaction towards any given situation. I do not know where I picked it up, or the stubbornness to change it ( lol ), but its my truth. I will pose a question for others who read this, in hope of helping them, as I too, am trying to help myself.
        “What would I have to believe, for [Insert Problem] to be true.” – Personally I still have not been able to come up with an answer that has helped yet.

        • Yella Runna says:

          I read this today; might help you with the paradox. I know it’s hard to break the brainwashing we are born into..:
          I also KNOW that every single human is capable of anything; we really are only limited by the limits we consciously and unconsciously insist on giving ourselves. Our higher-selves will always know better & will always be there for us when we are ready to understand it fully. Good Luck and Namaste ‘ALL’!

          Also on another note, just finished this website here today; all my heart is in it, looking for that special someone one day <3 I don't have any friends or contacts that are having any conversations with me, soo; maybe someone could lead me somewhere I can talk to like-minded people! Thank you!

  16. Thank you so much for this beautiful piece. Sometimes we all need a reminder, or two….or 3. :)

    With love to all,


  17. Waldemar Tanjukjewitsch says:

    The last weeks i have felt that the world is somehow changing slowly.
    I thank you for sharing your awareness with us, you really do something.

  18. Jared Dilley says:

    Welcome to the age of Aquarius

  19. Jim Bartels says:

    Hey Morgan, thank you so much for the blog you posted, these blogs all help me on my way to peace within myself and bringing that peace to others aswell.

    Much light and love, Jim


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